did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
