HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
