Plan B is the new Plan A
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
