My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
