OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
