You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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