this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
