i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
