Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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