I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
