just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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