I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
