i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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