All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
