I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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