Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
