you guys were way drunker than both of me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
