4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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