Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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