went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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