he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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