Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
