dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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