Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize