I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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