You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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