holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
