You just made me feel so damn special
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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