he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
