I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Found your dick twin last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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