You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
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Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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