I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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