it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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