I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can you bring me the toilet please
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize