Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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