I think I died a long time ago.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
