his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize