so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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