Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
