Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
