he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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