If that was your dad, he is hot
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
