I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
