Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
