i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
