I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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