I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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