i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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