this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
