I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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