Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize