She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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