even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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