4 words: hood of his car
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
