My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
