a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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