its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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