As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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