no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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