Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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