I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
