naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
