I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
