Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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