my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
