i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I intend to get homeless drunk
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
