I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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