hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
