In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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